Something a lot of people don’t know about me was back in my younger days I was a writer…. nothing professional but I wrote a lot. What ever was on my mind and what I felt about a subject I wrote it out in some form. Eventually I came down with a severe case of “writer’s block” and my writing days came to an end.
Luckily I saved a lot of my writings and I will post some of my old written opinions on this site every now and then. What I’m about to post I wrote back in the season of fall in 2009 and looking back on it… its funny how I feel the same way today which is why I want to share it to all of you. Tell me once you read it… am I wrong to feel the way that I do?
“But I know the truth. There’s no going back. You’ve changed things. Forever. You see, their morals, their code, it’s a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They’re only as good as the world allows them to be. When the chips are down, these civilized people, they’ll eat each other.” – The Joker (The Dark Knight)
Growing older has me thinking about the past a lot, why? Maybe because I’m not liking how I see the future. I’ve said a lot that I wish that I could go back to the year 1994 because it was an excellent year, but to be honest I loved the whole 90’s era, it was great growing up during that time. I love it when VH1 shows the “I Love The 80s and 90s” specials because they show nothing but fun clips. But it got me thinking that most of the horrible shit in the world today is the way it is only because of random occurring events. What if these random acts never happened, what would the world look like today? Take a trip in my thought process.
*What if… Napster was never invented?* I remember back in 9th grade I heard of this website called Napster where you can play any song you want for free, and it was a great concept. Everywhere a computer was Napster was used, hell my teachers were jamming on Napster in the back of the classrooms. All of a sudden some recording artists got pissed off by this Napster invention because people stop buying their albums… I mean as the old saying goes “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” (*sidenote* I’ll buy the cow so I can barbeque that cow but I digress) Anyway all of the recording artist’s whining and bitching and petitioning of banning Napster ended the great reign of free music on Napster.com. The sad part is that recording artist thought they won, but all they did was open the flood gates. Over the years of life people have become more creative and crafty when it comes to doing something illegal. We got used to free music from Napster, so since we couldn’t use Napster no more we created tons of websites to get free music. I haven’t bought a cd in the past 4 years. Recording artists have to get naked onstage to go platinum now because cd sales are so low. That’s why you see all sorts of rappers and r&b singers in movies and tv shows so they can earn an extra paycheck because you can’t make money in music anymore. Thank you Napster for making it possible for me to listen to Jay-Z’s The Blueprint³ album 10 months in advance.
*What if… “September 11” never happened?* You know we like to blame everything on dumbass George W. Bush, but people do that because they want a quick fix with a quick answer: “Let’s blame the dumbass president!” Truthfully it’s not all Bush’s fault, mostly it is but not all. If you rewind the timeline about 8 years the problem started then. Things weren’t as bad when he got elected… then 9/11 happened. Nobody would have predicted something like that would happen. Ever since that day the game has changed, and we never fully recovered from that attack and we never will. George W. Bush’s shitty leadership made things worse to the point where we are today: fucked up gas prices, high prices of food, corporations going out of business, etc. By the way as an electronics guy it breaks my heart and I shed tears over Circuit City going out of business. I bought many DVDs and electronic devices from that store. In my mind Circuit City going out of business is just like Christopher “Superman” Reeves becoming paralyzed… it wasn’t supposed to happen. I think in the back of my mind a lot if 9/11 never happened would gas today cost $1.02 like it was back then?
*What if… people actually used condoms?* Seriously I’m tired of seeing women with 8 children before they turn 28 years old and not being able to control those bad ass mutherfuckers wanting a man to fall in love with her so he can help take care of those bad ass kids… in a fucking dream that would happen. I’m tired of turning on the news and constantly keep hearing about the Octo-mom and Jon & Kate Plus 8… why are they famous?! Because those women fucked men without a condom they should be rewarded?! Back in my day we called those types of women prostitutes. Can’t you scientists stop cloning sheep for a minute and create a birth control that everyone that can use? People been wanting a cure for AIDS, here’s a cure: invent a condom that all niggas are willing to wear… and let those condoms cost $0.25 each so there won’t be an excuse of not affording one. I’m tired of meeting chicks with children already, I wanna make my own bastard children I don’t want to take care of another man’s kids. To quote the great poet Chris Rock: “PUT THE DICK DOWN! JUST PUT THE DICK DOWN! Get a job holding dicks all day if you can’t stop!” The ghettos are getting a little overcrowded with all of these children, but strangely attendance at schools are at an all time low… what’s sup with that?!
*What if… Celebrities didn’t commit crimes?* Remember when celebrities were role models? Yeah I don’t either. Celebrities in the past 6 years have lost their damn minds. I’m still not used to my favorite celebrities becoming crackhead head shaving coked-out whores that go to jail. Remember when Winonna Ryder shopped lifted some clothes a couple of year ago and everyone made a big deal of it? Well that was nothing compared to the stuff we seen recently. Martha Steward going to jail, Michael Vick becoming a dog lover, Amy Winehouse and Whitney Houston on crack, Britney Spears becoming a redneck trash whore that even I can hook-up with… it all breaks my heart. Other than Rick James burning women with cigarretts while pimp slapping Charlie Murphy, was any celebrities back in the day acting a damn fool? I can’t really remember. Am I a better role model than celebrities today? I like to think I’m a better role model than Soulja Boy, Jim Jones, and Heidi & Spencer.
*What if… reality shows never became popular?* Since when did reality became more interesting than make believe? I’ll tell you when, when tv stations begin giving crackheads tv shows to act crazy on. Remember when you was walking home from school and you saw a homeless man talking to himself and acting crazy and you laughed to yourself because it was funny to you? Well now you can see the same crackhead wearing a viking helmet and a clock around his neck muttering “YEAAAAAAHH BOOOYY! WOOOOOW!” Seriously there’s not that many good tv shows on tv lately because people want to see skanks and crackheads and ghetto folks act a fool on tv weekly. Seriously why is Keisha Cole’s crazy ass momma on television?! I remember the only reality show back in the day where you can see all sorts of ignorant folks was on Cops, and those ignorant folks usually got beaten and went to jail. The sad part is that my crazy ass along with my boy Jerome could have a wildly popular reality show if we choose to film one, seriously I get so many request to film a sequel to “The Ballad of Derrick Jamal” film that we made a long time ago… yeah our crazy ass would definitely get a timeslot after Flavor Flav.
*What if… 2Pac and Biggie and Big Pun never died?* I remember when 2Pac and Biggie and Big Pun were alive and rapping, every other rapper were at the top of their game. Will Smith was at the top of his game during that time, I have his “Big Willie Style” album and it was a fine damn album and “Gettin’ Jiggy With It” is on my iPod, but I digress. It’s disheartening to hear many young folks screaming “Jay-Z is turning 40, he and other old rappers need to retire!” Young motherfuckers today don’t realize that a rappers’ age should be thought of as wisdom, maturity, and experience. Instead new and inexperience rappers are being called “legends” without paying their dues. It makes me wonder if the great and legendary Tupac Shakur and the Notorious B.I.G. and the Big Punisher were never murdered and were alive and still performing now would they get disrespected like the others? The answer… HELL NO! Unlike most rap veterans who make occasional appearances, Pac and Big and Pun always made their presences known with everyone. Pac and Big and Pun would destroy young punks like that pretty boy Drake. If it wasn’t thug or gangster then it wouldn’t be allowed on the radio, so the song Birthday Sex wouldn’t have been made. It’s sad that today everyone wants to become a legend but don’t want to work for it. It was no gimmicks or weird dances needed for 2Pac and Biggie and Big Pun, they told it like it was.
*What if… President Barack Obama was white?* I haven’t seen sooooo many people so mad at a black man since the day the judge said O.J. Simpson was acquitted of all charges. Seriously we got Senators screaming “YOU LIE!” while the President is talking?! I thought the reporter throwing his shoes at President Bush was disrespectful (although that was hilarious!) but at least that was done in another country. President Obama is catching hell in his first year for things I didn’t think were bad. I never seen white people and republicans get highly upset that a president wanted to hold a press conference to tell all kids to do well at school… what?! I never seen white people and republicans get highly upset at a president wanting everyone to have heath care… what?! We didn’t get that upset at President Clinton when he got sucked off by that porn star Monica Lewinski, and we didn’t get that upset at President Bush for… well most of the dumbass shit he did during his presidency. So why all the anger towards President Obama?! If Barack Obama was a white man would he be that hated? Think about it: if Barack Obama was a white man but had all the same characteristics and same speaking voice and the same “YES WE CAN HAVE CHANGE!” campaign and still ran against John McCain (lets face it McCain wasn’t going to win no matter who he ran against) would old white people and republicans still hate him like they do now? Dave Chappelle was right: “I want to become a black president… but I want to be the second or third one, that first black president better watch out!”
I think the biggest difference between things back then and things now is that things back then age well. We all still listen to Rick James’ ”Superfreak”, all of the good old shows are being made into dvd box sets for us to enjoy again, old hairstyles and fashion are coming back in style. To sum it up the 70s, 80s, and 90s rule and will be celebrated forever. I can’t imagine for a second people 10 years in the future wanting to Crank Dat Soulja Boy, they will look at that and think we were retarded. I can’t imagine men 10 years in the future saggin’ their pants below their knees like we do now. TV shows today won’t be watched in the future because they are sooo unoriginal (except Showtime’s “Dexter” that’s a great-damn show but I digress) That’s why I think about the past a lot because as a child I cherished everything back then. I loved the cartoons, I loved the shows, I loved that I could turn on the radio and listen to MC Hammer and the Spice Girls (yep I’m talking about the Spice Girls again but I had a big crush on them but I digress). The point is that as a kid I always thought when I get older things in my life would get easier for me. Little did I know that as the older I get the harder it would get for me, mainly all of the little differences. It’s hard for me to enjoy many things today. Today relationships suck, televisions and movies suck, radio damn sure sucks, who the fuck is Russell Brand and why and I’m seeing so much of this unfunny Weird Al looking reject? I’m glad that I have my Boones Farm to keep me sane… wait. What if Boones Farm wasn’t invented?! What would I do with myself…