You know I remember as a kid I was told “You better enjoy today, because when you get older it all goes downhill.” I didn’t know what that meant at the time, I only cared about my cereal and cartoons on television. The one thought I did have in my head was the idea that when I become an adult I would get to do a lot of grown-up things like smoking and drinking and have sex and drive a car and go to clubs and to travel the world. Fast forward to present day: I don’t smoke, I barely drink, my sex life is embarrassing, I have no car, I’ve never been to the club and I still live with my family… so it’s safe to say that I WAS WAY FUCKIN’ OFF! It’s not easy being an adult in 2017 and it does not become any easier as you get older… everyday becomes a desperate struggle.
Every day I have to deal with something that should be simple but in the end it becomes a desperate struggle to survive. Take my lifestyle for example: I generally don’t give a fuck about a lot of things in life that other people care for. The paparazzi, fashion, editique, I don’t care for those things, so I struggle desperately from turning my back on this world and hiding on a lost island with Master Roshi in the Kami House just to get away. My sexual lust constantly struggles against my old-school gentleman ways. My go-getter take over the world attitude struggles against my candy-ass laziness. And mostly I struggle in my mind to comprehend what the hell is going on in this world today. This thread is not about anything specific because I had a hard time struggling of a topic to write about, so instead I’m just gonna talk about the random thoughts in my head… please struggle along if you can.
*Why are there MILFs at a young age? You know when the word MILF is mention I always think of an attractive mid-fourties mother of two or more kids that is a succubus of men of all ages. The other day I had a friend tell me that he was trying to fuck a MILF, and I ask “How old is she?” thinking she was going to be some type of “cougar” since they are so popular these days. He says “Well, she’s 28.” Immediately I said “Dude she ain’t no MILF. She is still in her twenties, pretty young by certain standards. Then I got to thinking, can a 28 year old woman really be a MILF? Most teenage girls are getting pregnant at an alarming rate and becoming mothers of two or more kids before they graduate high school. Some young mothers are cute and are able to trap a man into taking care of their kids. Sadly I came to the conclusion that you can become a MILF in your teenage years which is disturbing… since being a “mom I like to fuck” in high school can attract pedophiles and NBC Dateline featuring Chris Hanson. Then again it is not that surprising since most women are becoming grandmothers before they turn the age of 30. It’s like a wise man once said “You better have as much sex as you can in high school because it’s the only time in life it’s acceptable to have sex with high school girls. Any other time… you’re going to jail!”
*Children should be allowed the option at age 14 to change their legal names. Seriously some of you parents out there need a good pistol-whippin’ for naming your kids the strange names that you do. Don’t name your kids after: cars, liquor, cities, or food. It’s hard enough to get compete for a job in this fucked up economy today, and it’s gonna be even harder for a person with a name like Lacrenshaw Alize Jenkins to get hired by a corporation… as soon as they see her name the application is going in the trash. I say this, if you’re a child that has a goofy name and if you can survive not slitting your wrists around the time you graduate 8th grade then you should have the option to legally change your name because high school will eat you alive with a silly name. Parents if you want to give your children a creative name then make their middle name the created name. Seriously that is what middle names are for. I seriously hate my middle name with a passion but nobody knows it because I never ever use it. If you want to name your child “Listerine” then make it their middle name.
*I’m glad the gimmick of “3D” is over in hollywood movies and television shows. Seriously Hollywood this your last ploy to trick people into paying $17 for movie tickets. I’m so disappointed in you Hollywood, even more than usual. I have bad eyes and a heart murmur so I can’t take having objects from the movie screen jump into my face I might have a heart attack. Haven’t we tried the “3D Movement” back in the 80s and the 90s? A whole bunch of movies have jumped on the bandwagon: Step-Up 3D, Saw 3D, Jackass 3D… and why is the word “3D” in the damn titles of the movies too? It’s just too damn much. Remember when if you wanted to go see a movie in 3D you would go to the IMAX Theater? What’s next Hollywood… 4D? You know if you really want to make movies more interesting you can do it how they did it in the 40’s and 50’s: have vibrating seats installed in all of the movie theatres and when there is a car crash or an earthquake on screen have the movie seats vibrate so we can pretend we’re in the car crash and/or earthquake as well. My point is that all this extra crap you are putting in movies ain’t going to stop people from bootlegging it and it’s just more money wasted in the end of the day. If I want something to jump in my face I would take out my video camera and get naked with my woman and make porn.
*Why was Chris Brown forgiven for stomping a mud hole in Rihanna’s ass? Seriously did I miss something? I don’t think we forgave Ike Turner for whipping Tina Turner’s ass, so how did Chris Brown all of a suddenly get a pass? The weird thing is that he never went away in the public eye. In my opinion if Chris would took a yearlong break from the public and use that time off to go to rehabs and saw counselors and talk to therapists and other things to evaluate the inner woman-beater inside himself and sometime later he made a miraculous comeback then I would give him credit and some sympathy. But he didn’t do none of that, what we saw was: Chris beat the breaks off of Rihanna, him make public apologies on Larry King, him riding on a jet ski in Miami, him crying on the radio about people not buying his albums, then him doing a Michael Jackson tribute on the BET Awards… all of a suddenly he’s forgiven… What The Fuck?!
Do you mean to tell me if I beat up a girl for sassing me all I have to do is a 20 minute recreation of the Michael Jackson Thriller Video and all of my peeps will forgive me? Hell no, I would go to jail and get my ass beaten. What is it about this man that you’re willing to look past his seriously flaws and adore him? Is it because he can sing? We got plenty of young R&B singers to choose from. Is it because he’s handsome? There are plenty of handsome men in this world. Is it because he makes your panties wet ladies? There are vibrators that can do that too. I’m seriously asking what is it about Chris Brown that we give him a pass, please give me a good reason or any reason because if not it just makes me think that this society is full of depraved people that have shitty judges of characters and I don’t want to think that of people. I may sound like a hater, but I’m desperately just want to understand.
Thinking back I honestly don’t think I had any heroes growing up, well I did worship Doctor Doom and other villains on television… hey, even as a child I appreciated a villain’s swagger. I never really wanted to be like anyone, maybe I would have become a different person if I did… but then again I probably would have ended up a clone of someone else’s image. If I did wanted a hero back then I had plenty to choose from. In 2017 in my mind there are no more heroes to choose from because of the strict and absurd standards we judge ourselves on. That’s why I’m a villain, so I can do what I want when I want and not care about what people think of me. Maybe I need to become a writer like so many of you people have told me to do. Then I can write my own reality.